I used to work as production manager on the Seasame Street Work shop. And basically I started by playing Kermit the Frog, because I was really good at voice characterizations, and I also played Burt from Burt and Ernie, and The Count, and I wanted to work my up to Big Bird because that’s where the real money is.
Even thou I already worked there I still had to audition, but I did beat out all the other Kermit the Frog Wannabe’s who auditioned.
Anyway I had to start with Kermit the Frog, and the actual Kermit puppet they used on television was just a cheap ass cloth that wasn’t good enough to buy at Toys R Us, but I put my hand up its puppet ass and I start doing my Kermit the Frog Voice.
Here I have a Master’s in Business and I make more money pretending to be a puppet frog???
Anyways I moved on to do Burt, another puppet character, but when I found out that they were actually an inside joke about a gay couple who lived in the same neighborhood, I stopped.
Some people don’t want to advance and are happy just playing one character for the rest of their career. But I could do multiple voices so that was my excuse to move on.
Ernie but no Burt.
Plus I figured the more characters you can play the more valuable you are to the television studio. Mind you Sesame St. has been on for almost 35 years, and the current episodes have the same format used as the premium that aired almost 35 years ago.
Todays program is brought to you by the letter “E” and the number “5,” what the fuck does that even mean. Repitition. Repitition is how you “learn,” repitition is how the entire television media is set up, for children and adults. For the first time since it dawned on me there may be something that was very strange going on, but I couldn’t define it.
Real Book, look it up.
Yes that is a gun in the characters hand. Time for me to leave. But then I heard “Michelle” Obama was visiting, I still had work left to do.
I heard that Michelle Obama was rumored to do a visit. Now, at this time I was Oscar the Grouch, and their was a special protocol that we had to follow. And everything was cool until the day of the shoot.
During the filming I noticed something very wrong, but everyone else pretended not to notice. Because the cameras film from the waist up, to hide the “puppeteers,” so no one could see that “Michelle” Obama, had this bulge in the front of her mini-skirt/pants suit.
And some of the kids got really freaked out, and as we started the final segment thru the Seasame Street Neighhborhood. I guess I was on auto-pilot because I started snickering like Oscar, the grouch.
“Hi, I’m Oscar the Grouch, I said”
<meaning exchange until she asked me…>
“Oscar, do you have any new words for us today, Michelle asked?”
I looked at her crotch,
“How about SNAKE, I said,”
“Snake, she asked confused.”
“Yes, like the one your hiding in your skirt.”
“She,” looked down, not really embarrassed and said, Oh, I’m having a wardrobe malfunction.
“I said, no you have a mental malfunction.”
“In a mans voice she asked, what does that mean?”
And I’m so freaked out, I just lost it. Still in my Oscar the Grouch Character I say:
“You look funny”
“You dress funny”
“You smell funny
…and that’s from a guy living in a Trash Can.”
And then I looked at the camera with that big smile on my face and started snickering again.
Well the person formally known as Michelle, threw off his wig, and started cursing me in a man’s voice, right in front of the children, she even dented the trashcan when she tried to kick me, and Security had to break us up.
I was immediately fired, and thrown off the premises. Actually almost arrested by Secret Service. I can still hear him yelling at me in the background, “I’ll have you killed, you punk motherfucker, this is gay america bitch, and this insult was coming from a Tyranny.”
Michael shown with the cast above, even the sacrificial lamb, but no Oscar the Grouch.
My segment was edited out and never aired of course. I have no proof, and I do not expect anyone to believe me, but after this incident and trying to make it in the Entertainment Industry as an entertainer, I left California.
Copyright © 2010 by Jason G. Kondrath
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